It’s been 29 days since I packed up my room at university and came home. I went from extreme busyness to a dead halt. The world has shut down. I wear a variation of the same outfit every day now. Sweatpants and a teeshirt. I walk around with bare feet because I feel most comfy like that. Sometimes, the house is cool and the tiles make my feet cold. Maybe I should put on socks. It’s been 26 days since I wore an actual pair of shoes. I wear my comfiest, faded cotton pyjamas. I shower twice a day sometimes, because it gives me something to do. The water is so hot that I can see the steam rise off my skin. I like the smell of the green Dettol soap bar in the shower. It reminds me of my gran’s house.
Every night, my family watches the 8pm news. I try not to because I usually feel one of two ways. Either it makes me deeply sad and leaves me feeling defeated. Or I feel absolutely nothing. Which then leads to me feeling guilty, because the world is in a state of chaotic disaster.
I watch lots and lots of movies, and then sometimes I write about them in a notebook. I call them films because it sounds cooler. I love watching period pieces the most. They feel so pure, and the details fascinate me.
Every morning I make iced coffee and then spend too much time on the Worldometers site, looking at the latest virus statistics. I toggle between all the graphs and think about what my high school maths teacher would say about the gradient of the curves when we learnt calculus. I think about high school sometimes. Does that mean I miss it? I don’t know.
I spend ages on Pinterest sorting pretty photos into neat categories. Some days I sort out my boards to make sure all the pins are in the right place. Sometimes I get bored of Pinterest. I get bored of things quickly nowadays.
I tell myself I need structure, and then every time I try to create some sort of routine to follow, every fibre of my being resists it. I end up sleeping in for 2 hours and only getting started on my to-do list at 3pm. I wanted to try do some yoga during lockdown too. It’s been 21 days. I haven’t started.
I try not to get too upset about people’s opinions about lockdown and the whole coronavirus situation online. It’s hard. Especially when people are adamant about making statements that come from a place of privilege, and feel very unfair.
Some days I try to re-organise my desk in hopes that it will give me the kick I need to study in a focused manner. It doesn’t work. Nothing does really. I’m trying to fix my concentration and sleep schedule before the term starts online next week. It’s not going well. I have 4 days to sort it out.
It’s been 29 days since I packed up my room at university and came home. I wonder when the world will be normal again. I wonder if the world will be normal again.